


when the autumn comes, and the leaves change

by stilinscry



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Nonbinary Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 07:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14563671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilinscry/pseuds/stilinscry
Summary: when donghyuck first meets yukhei, he never could've imagined how much their friendship would change, and how much they would change in the process[alternatively; donghyuck and yukhei's relationship shown through a series of moments]





	when the autumn comes, and the leaves change

**Author's Note:**

> okay god fuck, i have worked so hard on this fic, poured my fucking heart and soul into it and i hope y'all like this because this is based on a relationship i used to be in and so like 70% is based on real life and that's a lot of sharing im about to do
> 
> some things to note:  
> \- assume everyone i mention is 2000 line, they're all in the same year at school  
> \- when i say that donghyuck is bukharin and not trotsky, it's bc bukharin was the golden child of the communist party and everyone liked him  
> \- title means nothing, i just like how it sounds
> 
> also big shout out to my main boy, and husband jas,,,,, ilysm babe, ur one of my biggest supporters and THE biggest hyuckheinator i know so this goes out to u my angel, thanku for all ur help !! and niamh too,,, thanku for the dates idea uwu

**05-09-2011**

they meet for the first time in year seven, on the first day of school. 

donghyuck’s eleven years old, wearing his brother’s old blazer that’s two sizes too big for him, and nothing could have prepared him for how big the leap is between primary and secondary school. 

enter: wong yukhei. 

he sits down next to donghyuck in the assembly hall, slings a hand over his shoulder like they’ve been friends for years and all donghyuck can do is gape because the head mistress is speaking and talking over her would definitely be a mistake. 

“who are you?” he asks approximately an hour later, when the teachers are herding them out of the hall and towards the canteen. 

“your new best friend, wong yukhei.” donghyuck laughs and yukhei beams down at him.

“i’m lee donghyuck, good to meet you new best friend,” he says back, still laughing as he holds a hand out. it’s a bit weird for yukhei to shake it, seeing as his other arm is still wrapped around donghyuck’s shoulder, but he does it anyway.

he doesn’t let go after that and they end up walking to the canteen hand in hand, arms wrapped around each other too and donghyuck can’t stop himself from smiling.

 

_[they’re fast friends after that and for the whole of year seven, and then year eight too, the two barely leave each others side. they have other friends of course; jaemin, jeno and renjun, but donghyuck feels a special kind of warmth when he’s with yukhei, and he knows that yukhei feels the same way about him.]_

 

**11-10-2013**

“you’re gay?”

yukhei shrugs. “boys are cute,” he says, giving that as his answer and donghyuck hums. nods. “is that okay with you?”

he’s still smiling, but donghyuck can tell that he’s nervous. “i uh, yeah it’s okay with me. i’ve never been friends with a gay person before.” that catches yukhei off guard.

“you mean you’re no-” he starts, but stops himself when donghyuck levels him with a look. “i mean, woah, it’s weird that you’ve never met a gay person before. there’s quite a lot of us out there.” yukhei laughs then, a clear attempt to lessen the tension that’s fallen over them. it doesn’t work that well.

“yeah, guess it is weird.”

a silence falls over them then. donghyuck sits, flicking through his phone and yukhei lets his gaze fall back to his maths homework, due in after the break. they’re sat in the corner of the library, separate from the rest of their friends because donghyuck couldn’t be bothered to socialise today and whilst it’s nice when they’re talking, it’s a little awkward now that they’re just… sat.

“sorry,” donghyuck whispers, after maybe two minutes have passed. “i didn’t mean to make it awkward. it really is okay that you’re gay. thank you for sharing that with me.”

the smile that yukhei gives him in response is blinding, breathtaking, and donghyuck huffs out a laugh when yukhei tackles him down to the ground. “i knew i could trust you hyuckie. thank you.”

 

**23-02-2014**

it’s a few months later when donghyuck realises that maybe he’s not as straight as he thought he was.

he’s staying over at yukhei’s house, and they’re rolling around on his bedroom floor, wearing the matching pajamas that donghyuck had bought for yukhei’s last birthday. they’re ugly as fuck, bright orange with green trim and yukhei loves them, wears them almost every night.

“hey, uh, you know how you’re gay?” donghyuck asks. his voice is timid, anxious and he stays staring at the ceiling, even when yukhei rolls over to look at him. 

“yeah, i do.”

“well uh, i think that maybe i might be too. not fully, but like, maybe half gay?” 

yukhei laughs at that. “half gay?” he asks and donghyuck hums. “i think you mean you’re bisexual, hyuck.”

“bi- what now?” donghyuck asks, finally rolling over to look back at yukhei, and the way yukhei is smiling at him has his heart beating a little faster. (he ignores it).

“bisexual, stupid. it means you like both girls and boys. or you could be pansexual, that’s where you don’t care really about gender. like, the person’s personality is more important than what junk they’ve got.”

donghyuck sounds it out. _pansexual_. it’s nice. it sounds right. “pansexual, i like that. i think that’s what i mean.”

“well my pansexual friend, welcome to the queer club. your letter of admission should arrive in the post by sunday at the latest,” yukhei jokes and it’s not even that funny but donghyuck finds himself wheezing, rolling closer to yukhei as he laughs and reaching out to slap him on the arm.

yukhei joins in, because donghyuck’s laughter is infectious, and it’s not long before they’re both in fits of giggles, donghyuck resting his head on yukhei’s chest as the pair of them shake. it takes a while for them to calm down, and even when they do, donghyuck doesn’t pull away from yukhei. 

they’ve been clingier recently, spending more and more time holding hands and cuddling and just being near each other and donghyuck would never admit it outloud, but he really loves it.

“thank you xuxi. thank you.”

yukhei doesn’t say anything back, but he runs a hand through donghyuck’s hair, stroking the back of his head soothingly and donghyuck knows that sharing his secret with him was the right decision.

 

**02-08-2014**

“i think i like you.”

it’s said into the darkness of yukhei’s bedroom, voice soft enough not to wake donghyuck if he’s sleeping, but he’s not.

“you think?” donghyuck croaks back, rolling over on the floor to look over at yukhei and he startles a little when he finds yukhei already staring back at him.

“no, i know i like you. i have since that first day of school. you looked so cute with your curled hair and that massive blazer, how could i not fall for you?”

and that’s a lot to take in because that’s almost three whole years yukhei has liked him. that’s a long time. 

“why haven’t you said anything before?”

yukhei laughs, but it sounds empty. “well i spent a good portion of our friendship thinking you were straight so there's that. also you’re- you’re so radiant, so beautiful and i’m just this too loud mess of limbs. why would you ever go for me when you deserve so much better?”

he sounds so defeated, so heartbroken and donghyuck refuses to allow that. he wriggles out of his sleeping bag and crawls across the floor until he’s kneeling over yukhei’s curled up body. “let me in.”

“wha-“

donghyuck cuts him off. “your sleeping bag, unzip it,” he says, and the tone of his voice has yukhei complying.

“you won’t fit,” he mumbles, but donghyuck is decidedly not listening and once the zipper is pulled down far enough, he’s pushing yukhei back a little bit and then he’s shoving his legs, and then the rest of his body into the sleeping bag.

it’s a tight fit, mostly because yukhei is way too tall for his own good, but when donghyuck lets himself curl around yukhei, neither of them complain. their legs tangle, donghyuck’s hand resting on yukhei’s waist and head on his chest. 

“you’re stupid, you know that?” donghyuck asks and yukhei splutters. “thinking that i wouldn’t like you back? i swear, you must’ve lost those last two brain cells when you fell out of that tree the other month.”

yukhei doesn’t say anything back, not even after a whole minute and donghyuck huffs out a laugh. “really, three years of you not shutting up and THIS is what finally shuts you up.”

“shut the fucking fuck. you’re being serious? you like me back?”

donghyuck hums, like he’s thinking about it. “i guess you’re not that bad,” he settles with, and he whines when yukhei slaps him on the arm. “okay yes, fine. i have a big fat crush on you, you asshat. is that better?” he asks, though he doesn’t really need an answer because the content hum that yukhei lets out is enough.

his arm tightens around donghyuck’s waist. “yeah, that’s much better.”

a lot goes unsaid after that, but the pair fall asleep with donghyuck wrapped tight in yukhei’s arms and that’s really all they need.

 

**18-09-2014**

after that, the transition between being friends and becoming something more is smooth. easy. 

their friends notice, of course they do. it’d be hard to miss the way donghyuck is constantly smiling around the taller boy, the adoration in his eyes whenever yukhei as much as breathes. 

renjun constantly says they’re disgusting, that they’re outdoing all the other heterosexual couples in the school combined with their pda and donghyuck absolutely loves that thought. “straight people have had their time to say,” he always says back. “it’s time for us gays to have our fun.”

renjun always laughs, shaking his head and yukhei always takes that as his cue to yell ‘FOR THE GAYS’. that has the both of them in laughter, donghyuck leaning into yukhei’s personal space as he giggles and yukhei welcomes him, arm curling around his shoulder as he laughs too. 

(renjun says they’re disgusting, but his admiration for the both of them and their confidence always goes unsaid.)

 

**09-10-2014**

**[17:21] xuxi <3**

hyuckie i miss u

come over

**[17:22] baby bear**

u saw me at school two hours ago

…. but same

 

**[17:22] xuxi <3 **

mums out for the evening with her bf

we can get chip shop for dinner

and then rewatch kickass

 

**[17:23] baby bear**

i’m omw

 

**[17:23] xuxi <3**

lov u

**[17:25] baby bear**

lov u too

 

**03-01-2015**

“you’re really wearing that shirt again?”

it’s the first thing donghyuck asks when he walks up to the bus stop where they agreed to meet. yukhei looks down at his chest, as if he’s somehow forgotten what he’s got on and then he’s squinting back up at donghyuck. “it’s different.”

“no it’s not, you were wearing that same tshirt when we went to the noodle bar last night,” donghyuck says back, and he’s knows for a fact that he’s right because there’s no way he could forget the shirt. it’s horrifically ugly, slightly too long with a massive picture of a random boy on it, a big applique bow stuck on his hair and it’s yukhei’s favourite thing to wear. “and last week, when we took your dogs to the park. and the day before that when we opened christmas presents together.”

“no, i mean it’s a different shirt. i have two.”

“you have two of the same shirt?”

“yeah, so whenever mum is washing one i can just wear the other,” yukhei says back, like it’s the most obvious thing ever and donghyuck is astounded that his boyfriend can be both ridiculously stupid and yet somehow clever at the same time. he can’t help but laugh, resting a hand on yukhei’s shoulder as his knees bend a little and all yukhei can do is watch him.

it takes him a minute or so to calm down, and yukhei just watches. “you really are something else,” donghyuck says, once he can speak again and yukhei smiles up at him. “like, that’s such a _you_ thing to do."

“well yeah, clever people come up with clever ideas.”

donghyuck just laughs again. “shut up dumbass,” he chuckles, reaching down for yukhei’s hand and dragging him out of his seat. “let’s go get ice cream.”

“yeah, okay.”

 

**25-03-2015**

its half five in the afternoon when yukhei’s phone rings.

he’s still groggy from his post-school nap, arm heavy as he reaches out for his phone and it’s a sign of how tired he is that he doesn’t wake up immediately when he sees that it’s donghyuck calling him. instead he grabs it, answering it blindly and then he’s flopping back down against his bed.

“are you home right now?” donghyuck says in lieu of a greeting and yukhei grunts. it makes donghyuck laugh. “i woke you up from your nap didn’t i?” he asks and gets another grunt in response. “sorry xuxi, but i swear this is important.”

 _‘everything you say is important’_ yukhei wants to say back, but his brain isn’t properly awake yet and so he merely hums, signalling for donghyuck to continue. he does.

“okay so, i’ve been doing some thinking and i realised, we’ve been dating for exactly 188 days and not once in that time have we kissed,” donghyuck says, his voice crackling a little over the receiver. 

“that’s a lot of days,” yukhei says back dumbly. donghyuck laughs again. 

“yeah, it is dumbass. too many if you ask me, so i’m coming over and we’re gonna fix it.”

“what?”

donghyuck sighs and yukhei can picture him rubbing his hand over it’s face. it’s cute, donghyuck is always cute when he’s exasperated. “i’m gonna come over to your house and we’re gonna kiss, because it’s an atrocity that we haven’t done it yet.” he speaks slowly, as if he’s talking to a small child and he lets out another sigh when yukhei simply mumbles something incoherent in response. 

“god, you’re hard work sometimes. just, answer the door when i knock okay?”

“but how are you gonna get here?” 

“i do have legs, y’know,” donghyuck laughs and this time it’s yukhei’s turn to sigh.

“shut up,” he whines. “i meant, your bike broke last week. so are you just gonna walk here?”

donghyuck scoffs. “no you fucking numbskull, i’m gonna catch the bus like a normal person. why would i choose to walk anywhere, that’s gross,” he says back, sounding genuinely disgusted at the idea of walking the twenty minute route to yukhei’s house and yukhei can’t stop himself from laughing, loud and obnoxious.

“just don’t fall back asleep okay, i’ll be there in ten,” he adds and yukhei hums in response. “i’m not joking wong yukhei, if i get there and you’re asleep i’m just gonna come back home. no kisses.”

yukhei ends up falling back asleep anyways. 

he wakes up to donghyuck pounding on his front door and he rolls out of bed, near falling down the stairs at the speed he’s going at.

donghyuck looks unimpressed when yukhei pulls the door open, but he doesn’t leave, no. instead he takes in a deep breath, mumbles, “you’re lucky i’m feeling charitable today,” and then he’s leaning in and yukhei swears his heart stops beating. (okay so maybe it doesn’t, but it feels like it!)

over the past week or so, donghyuck has watched countless videos on tumblr of boys in their bedrooms, read article upon article about the how to be a good kisser and so he knows that their noses shouldn’t bump like they do and yukhei’s eyes should probably be closed, but the pair of them are a mess so it only makes sense that their first kiss would follow that theme.

he tilts his head slightly, bringing a hand up to cup yukhei’s cheek as they try again and this time, it’s much better. they’re both still awkward, donghyuck pushing forward too eagerly causing their teeth to clash; and yukhei, still stood with his eyes wide open, but it’s nice. donghyuck likes nice.

(they spend the rest of the evening kissing, donghyuck sat in yukhei’s lap as cartoons play in the background, and it’s probably one of donghyuck’s favourite days ever.)

 

**06-06-2015**

when you have a birthday that falls during term time, the years that it manages to fall on the weekend are always the best. this just happens to be one of them.

it’s a saturday, and because the thought of opening presents still excites him as much as it had when he was five, he wakes up ridiculously early. the only difference this year being that yukhei is there to wake up with him.

(donghyuck’s never had people sleep over before. his house is barely big enough to fit him, his parents and his sister, let alone a bunch of donghyuck’s friends, and so birthday plans have always been going to the cinema, or getting food. boring day time shit. this year though, his sister is staying over their cousins house, and his dad is away on business and so it’s pretty easy to convince his mum to let yukhei come over.)

yukhei though, has always been hard to wake up.

he’s clinging to donghyuck like a koala, head resting on his chest and he doesn’t shift even when donghyuck pokes him in the cheek. so he does it again, and again. nothing. except more drool.

donghyuck pinches his neck. still nothing.

only when he covers yukhei’s mouth, pinching his nose, does the elder boy stir and donghyuck can’t contain his laughter as yukhei jolts up in bed, gasping like a man who almost drowned.

it only takes him a second to put two and two together, and then he’s turning to donghyuck, lips turned up into a stupidly big pout. “you almost killed me.”

“it’s my birthday,” donghyuck says back, patting yukhei’s cheek a couple times. “good morning.”

“you almost killed me,” yukhei says again. “on your birthday of all days,” he adds on and donghyuck laughs.

“happy birthday to me,” he cheers, smiling sweetly at yukhei. “now c’mon, i wanna go open my presents.” and yukhei can only watch as donghyuck jumps out of bed, head tilting back to follow his boyfriend as he runs from the room and pads down the stairs.

by the time he joins donghyuck downstairs, he’s already sat in a circle of wrapped boxes, smiling like a small child on christmas and okay, yukhei can forgive him for the light suffocation because this? it’s real cute.

 

**20-10-2015**

they’ve been dating for little over a year when yukhei gets the text he’s always dreaded.

 

**[15:12] baby bear:**

we need to talk

meet me at our spot in twenty

yukhei knows where he means of course; a large hollowed out tree in the woods behind yukhei’s house. donghyuck’s been referring to it as their spot since yukhei first showed it to him in year 8, and it’s always been a place just for them to hang out, to mess about and after they’d gotten together, to share stolen kisses and the thought of soiling all those happy memories with the inevitable breakup donghyuck is about to lay on him is nauseating to say the least. 

still, he’s weak and even though he knows he’s about to get bad news, he can’t help but get excited at the prospect of seeing donghyuck. pathetic, huh. 

when he gets to the back of the woods, donghyuck is already there waiting for him and yukhei hates the way that his heart clenches when he realises donghyuck is wearing one of the hoodies yukhei had left at his house. it’s big on him anyways, so donghyuck is positively drowning in it, fingers just peeking out from his sweater paws. 

he spots yukhei the second he steps into their little clearing, a soft yet hesitant smile appearing on his face and yukhei braces himself for the worse when he sits down next to him on the stump.

“sorry for making you come and meet me, i just really didn’t wanna say this over text,” donghyuck says after a moment of silence passes between them. no hello, no how’s your day been. just straight to business. yukhei hates it.

“you don’t have to apologise, you know i’m always happy to see you.” he says it without thinking, and he winces when a look of guilt passes over donghyuck’s face. fuck.

“okay so i’ve been thinking about this for a while, maybe a month or so, and i’ve been really worried about how you’d react because i really don’t want you to hate me, that’s the opposite of what i want-”

“i get it hyuck, we’re breaking up. it’s fine.” 

“-but i think i’m non-binary. wait. what? you’re breaking up with me?”

“you’re non-binary?”

the pair of them stare at each other in suspended silence for the next minute or so. yukhei’s mind is swirling, thoughts running a mile a minute and he damn near teeters over the edge of madness when donghyuck starts fucking giggling of all things. 

he continues to stare, even when donghyuck leans forwards to rest his head on yukhei’s shoulder, still laughing. 

it takes him almost two minutes to calm down, and yukhei can only watch dumbfounded as donghyuck finally sits back up. his cheeks are damp from crying, lips still spread in an all too happy grin and honestly? it’d be an understatement to say yukhei is confused.

“renjun was right,” donghyuck says. “stupid people really do attract each other.”

yukhei splutters at that, shooting an incredulous look at his boyfriend (??) and donghyuck just laughs some more. “did you really think that i’d break up with you?” he asks, though he doesn’t give yukhei any opportunity to answer because he’s reaching out and pulling him in for a kiss. his left hand curls around yukhei’s nape, right fisting in the front of yukhei’s shirt and the way he clings is desperate, needy. a sharp contrast to the carefree way he’d been laughing mere seconds ago.

“don’t be a fucking dumbass,” he says when they pull apart and yukhei almost snorts. “god i can’t believe i invited you out here to have an emotional talk about my identity and shit and somehow you end up the person who needs consoling. you’re ridiculous.” his tone is harsh but it balances out when he leans in again, kissing yukhei once, twice more. 

“sorry, sorry, i just- you can’t tell me that the words ‘we need to talk’ aren’t scarily ominous. what was i supposed to assume?”

“anything besides us breaking up,” donghyuck says back, exasperated, but  yukhei doesn’t miss the way his expression softens just a smidge. “i will admit though, that probably wasn’t the best way to phrase it. but, in my defence! you’re gay so like, i was worried- no i still am worried, about how you’d react to it.”

and yeah, yukhei can understand that. but the thought of abandoning donghyuck now, after they’ve been together for so long, just because he chooses to identify in a different way is ridiculous. he’s still donghyuck, he’s still the same cute, ball of sunshine that he fell for. he voices just as much, and then he’s being tugged into a bone crushing hug.

“fuckin’ sap, i think i’m gonna throw up,” he mumbles, though he makes no move to pull back from yukhei. “thank you though, i really love you xuxi.”

“yeah, right back at you babe.”

 

**14-02-2016**

“happy valentines days,” donghyuck yells into their phone. yukhei groans in response and they laugh. “oh dearest boyfriend, i do declare that i deserve to be taken on a date today. a proper one at that.”

“hyuck, it’s half nine in the morning-”

“prime romance time.”

“-where would we even go this early.”

“well since you asked so nicely, i’ll tell you,” donghyuck says and yukhei really doesn’t have a good feeling about this. “if we both leave in the next half hour, we can still make it to mcdonalds for breakfast. and then after that we can get the train to birmingham and go to the aquarium. they have a new jellyfish exhibit and it ends this week.”

“i- okay, that actually sounds really nice,” yukhei responds and he can practically hear the way donghyuck beams at the praise. “are we going to the mcdonalds near the bus centre.”

“that’s the one.”

yukhei hums. “okay bear, see you in half an hour. and happy valentines day.”

 

**12-06-2016**

summer starts and donghyuck is excited to spend all of their free time with yukhei. they both have part-time jobs; donghyuck working at the hardware store in town, and yukhei babysitting for a couple of families in his neighbourhood, but they still try and at least see each other when they can because, yknow, young love and all that?

today is one of the days where the both of them are free from any responsibilities and their spending their down time wisely, laying in a pool in yukhei’s back garden. the sun is beaming down on them (“you’re even brighter hyuckie, don’t worry,” yukhei had joked) and it’s nice to just sit back and relax for once.

well, it’s nice until donghyuck gets bored. there’s only so much nothingness they can bare with and they’ve just about reached their limit.

when they peek open their eyes, they see yukhei is still leant back, his own eyes shut and so donghyuck decides this is their time to strike. they reach over the side of the pool, grabbing one of the buckets they’d used to fill the pool and then they’re dunking it in the water, filling it to the brim before promptly chucking it all over yukhei.

“jesus, what the fuck,” he screams, scrambling to sit up so fast the he slides on the slippery bottom of the pool and falls on his face and donghyuck snorts from how hard they’re laughing. “hyuck, why would you do that?” he whines once he pulls himself up again. donghyuck shrugs.

that’s not a good enough answer for yukhei though, and within the second he’s diving across the pool, arms wrapping around donghyuck’s waist as he dunks them down under the water. in between gargles, they’re giggling, hands pawing uselessly at yukhei’s chest as he continues to mess with him and this, _this_ is what the summer holidays are all about.

 

**05-09-2016**

term starts again.

they’re in sixth form now, in the final stretch of their mandatory school years and donghyuck adores the freedom that comes with it. they can wear whatever they want now, turning up to school in their old ripped jeans and a baggy pokemon tshirt one day and a light pink dungaree dress with clips in their hair the next. some of the other students look at bit funny at them, sure, but donghyuck has renjun and jaemin by their side.

jeno got an apprenticeship at the jaguar factory the town over, so he’s not here anymore, but they still see him at weekends, so it’s okay.

actually, it’s more than okay, because he has yukhei too. yukhei, who’ll hold his hand, and compliment his sunflower hair grips, and glare at the kids in the corridor who make fun of him. yukhei makes him feel safe and warm, and donghyuck loves it. 

they only have one class together; history, covering both early 20th century russian history as well as the second world war, and they claim a table at the back of the classroom.

for the whole introductory class they sit holding hands and whispering about which russian leaders they’d be. donghyuck is adamant that he’d be trotsky, and yukhei doesn’t have the heart to tell them they’re actually more like bukharin.

 

**29-10-2016**

it all starts to go wrong about two months into term.

their school is high in demand, one of the most popular in the area, and every year around thirty students transfer just to attend the sixth form. that’s how they come to know jungwoo.

he used to attend a school across town, but they didn’t provide a great range of a-levels and so he comes here instead, and immediately befriends almost all of donghyuck’s friends, because he’s an actual angel. yukhei too, is just as infatuated with jungwoo as everyone else and donghyuck knows they shouldn’t be jealous because their boyfriend can have other friends, but.. somehow they can tell it’s different. 

because yukhei treats jungwoo the same way he treats donghyuck. and surely that’s not right.

they tell renjun just as much over lunch. it’s just the two of them and one other kid in the common room, because technically it’s still third period, but they’d come in early to grab the good chip batches from the deli before they were all gone.

“-and i don’t really know how to explain it, but like, the way he looks at jungwoo. it unsettles me,” they say, mouth full of bread and renjun lets out a heavy sigh.

“i didn’t really want to tell you this, because i was sure it was nothing but i saw jungwoo kiss yukhei on the cheek the other day, outside school and yukhei was blushing like an embarrassed school girl.”

renjuns words cut through them ike a knife, and suddenly donghyuck doesn’t have much of an appetite.

-

they don’t confront yukhei, because confrontation is scary, especially when you’re essentially accusing your boyfriend of cheating on you, so yeah. donghyuck does nothing. 

instead, they smile when yukhei turns up near the end of lunch, and pretends like they can’t see the sadness on renjun’s face.

 

**11-11-2016**

“what do you mean you can’t come over tonight? we agreed it last week?”

yukhei scratches the back of his neck, and he looks apologetic, but at the same time he doesn’t. “jungwoo asked me if i wanted to go laser quest with him and some of his friends from his old school. you know i could never say no to laser quest!”

 _‘you can’t say no to jungwoo_ ’ donghyuck thinks, but they don’t say it. they don’t say anything, just staring up at yukhei. 

they haven’t hung out in two weeks, not outside of school at least, because yukhei is revising with jungwoo, or he’s getting dinner. jungwoo this and jungwoo that and donghyuck is feeling more and more like just a side dish as time passes. they remember when yukhei would jump at the chance to hang out, and now he doesn’t even come to their groups weekly movie binge at jaemin’s house.

“whatever, i guess you would prefer to hang out with some random kid over your boyfriend. it makes complete sense,” donghyuck snarks, and then they’re walking away before yukhei can say anything back.

they spend the rest of their night, writing and rewriting their biology notes and trying not to think about how their relationship is falling apart.

 

**26-12-2016**

**[14:21] baby bear:**

ur present should arrive next week

its shippign from china so it’s taking a while

sorry

 

**[15:03] xuxi <3:**

oh

thanks

i

i didn’t get u anything

ive been so busy lately, i forgot

**[15:14] baby bear:**

its okay

merry christmas

 

**[contact _xuxi <3 _changed to _yukhei_ ]**

 

**[15:17] yukhei:**

to you too

 

**05-01-2017**

it’s the first day of term after the holidays. 

donghyuck is tired, a product of getting almost no sleep for the past couple nights. they can’t help it though, yukhei hasn’t text them in a week other than to say ‘the present arrived, thanks’ and donghyuck can’t help themselves from falling into the pit that is the dark of his mind.

they turn up to school wearing the tshirt they slept in last night, and dirty adidas joggers and renjun doesn’t even bother asking what’s wrong. he doesn’t need to. instead he pulls donghyuck into a hug, holding them tight and donghyuck lets him. let’s renjun hold him until the bell rings and they have to split to go to their respective classes, and it’s not much, but it’s enough to help him power through chemistry.

 

**01-02-2017**

for a while, it gets better.

yukhei starts texting them again, starts inviting them to hang out and donghyuck feels normal. feels balance returning to their life. they sit together in history, giggling when their teacher can’t figure out when to turn the computer on and it’s nice.

donghyuck shouldn’t be surprised when it doesn’t last long.

they come in at break time, waking up too late to go to first or second period, but their attendance has been good this year so they’re sure the teachers will let it go.

something that donghyuck can’t let do though, is the way yukhei is carding his hands through jungwoo’s hair. the two of them are curled up together in one of the bigger seats in the common room, sat with chenle and jisung and donghyuck regrets even waking up this morning. 

they stay stood in the doorway, just staring, until someone speaks up from behind them, asking them to move or something and so they step back out into the corridor.

renjun finds them ten minutes later, sat with their legs pulled up to their chest in the corridor by the sixth form office and he drops a fruit winder into their lap before sitting down next to them.

“i’m gonna scalp him, i hope that’s okay with you.”

donghyuck hums. renjun takes that as a yes.

 

**24-02-2017**

yukhei doesn’t even look at them when they pass each other in the corridor. he’s too busy laughing with jungwoo, his arm slung over the others boy shoulder and donghyuck crumples the chemistry worksheet in his hand. 

recently, their sadness has morphed into anger. ugly, volatile anger. donghyuck hates that yukhei is off having fun with another boy, whilst they’re right here. it’s not fair, especially when yukhei hasn’t even broken up with him or anything.

technically they’re still dating, and that though is a kick to the teeth.

but at least donghyuck feels like his anger is warranted.

-

on the way home, they buy a carton of eggs, throwing them all at yukhei’s window. they don’t feel bad about it.

 

**14-03-2017**

but the anger grows and grows until donghyuck finally bursts, one afternoon in march.

they’re sat in the sixth form common room, sandwiched by jaemin and renjun, and there’s a bunch of uno cards spread out on the table in front of them all, but they can’t focus. not when yukhei is on the other side of the room, snuggled up against jungwoo’s side, laughing like the other boy has just cracked the funniest joke ever.

“stop staring, it’s not going to help,” renjun says. past his chiding tone, donghyuck can hear anger, concern, and they want to listen because they know renjun is right, and that he’s only looking out for them, but they don’t listen. instead, they keep staring. 

“hyuckie, it’s your go,” jaemin says then, nudging them in the shoulder but they’re not listening. they’re staring at yukhei’s hand on jungwoo’s thigh, and his head on jungwoo’s shoulder, and thinking about how that should be them and not some shitty year thirteen that yukhei has only been friends with for a couple months.

(in reality he knows that jungwoo is a really nice person; he’s in jeno’s drama class and the boy constantly recalls stories of how jungwoo literally has the softest, sweetest voice ever and how he’s obsessed with stuffed animals, but donghyuck tends to let things get a little ugly when yukhei is involved.)

before they even realises it, they’re standing, uno cards falling from their lap unto the floor and they’re crossing the room. renjun calls out to them dramatically but donghyuck is tired. they’re tired of yukhei treating someone else how he should be treating them. and so he keeps moving. 

jungwoo is the first to look at them, and donghyuck catches of a glint of what looks like sympathy in his eyes before he’s turning to whisper something to yukhei and then yukhei’s looking at them too. 

it’s weird, having yukhei’s direct attention on them like this after weeks of not properly looking at each other, and donghyuck kinda feels like they want the ground to swallow them up, but they also know they won’t get anywhere by ignoring their problems.

“what did i do wrong?” they ask, and yukhei’s eyes widen. 

“you wha-”

“because you haven’t smiled at me in weeks. everytime you look at me all i see is regret in your eyes and okay, i guess i can deal with it if you just tell me you want to break up. i’ll get over it. but when you just leave me hanging in this- in this limbo, second guessing everything i’ve ever said or done to you, it’s kinda shitty. and i never thought you were a shitty person until now but i guess opinions can change.”

they let out a shaky breath when they finish speaking. their outburst has attracted the attention of the people sat in the surrounding seats and donghyuck feels a little woozy as countless pairs of eyes look them over, but he stands his ground.

yukhei is staring up at them, blank expression spread across his face. he opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it again, and donghyuck takes that as his cue to keep talking.

“i know we’re only young; seventeen years really isn’t anything in the grand scheme of things but we’ve been friends for six of those years now, and dating for more than two of those and i don’t know about you but i kinda grew attached. i’ve known you like a third of my time on this earth, and i figured that like, i’d always know you. but it’s like you just don’t care anymore. and i don’t know what changed, i don’t know where we went wrong but seeing you cling to jungwoo like this hurts. because that should be me. please, just tell me where i went wrong.”

more people are staring at them now. donghyuck knows that they’re making a scene, but they just don’t care anymore. how could they care when yukhei doesn’t even have the nerve to speak to them. all he can do is stare wide eyed, expression blank and hand still resting high on jungwoo’s thigh. 

“you know what, fuck you. we’re done. i’m done,” donghyuck spits out and jungwoo winces at their harsh tone. “have fun with your new boytoy, or don’t. i don’t care anymore.”

and then they’re walking away. back across the common room, only to grab their bag and then they’re leaving. the eyes all watch them, yukhei and jungwoo included, but donghyuck keeps their head held high. doesn’t even look in their now ex-boyfriends direction, because he doesn’t deserve to be looked at. not anymore. 

and they know that they have chemistry next period, revision for their upcoming mocks, but they feel suffocated. school isn’t the best place for them to be right now, and so they beep themselves out through reception, sign out on the computer and then they’re gone, stepping out into the open air.

they email their teacher to say they got sick over lunch and went home to rest. she emails them back to say okay, and attaches the homework for next week.

-

that night, they cry. they cry and cry and their cheeks hurt and their eyes are sore and they feel so empty, because just like that, after all these years, yukhei is gone. and he didn’t even fight to stay. he just stayed silent as donghyuck poured their heart out and that fucking hurts.

so they cry. 

 

**02-04-2017**

weeks pass. exams are looming over them and donghyuck has been throwing themselves into their work. surprising that not having a boyfriend leaves you with a surprising amount of free time, huh?

school still sucks just as bad, though some days are worse than others. namely thursdays, because that brings five whole hours of history, in a stuffy classroom with only nine other people. one of whom is yukhei.

they sit at opposite sides of the classroom, yukhei with chenle, and donghyuck with jaemin, and it’s horrible because all donghyuck can think about is when they used to sit next to each other, giggling and joking about joseph goebbels and his dumb club foot. now, instead of that, they have to deal with yukhei staring at them from across the room, as if he’s hoping for them to stare back. they won’t.

jaemin would kill them if they did, anyways.

 

**30-04-2017**

yukhei and jungwoo break up. if you can even call it a break up.

donghyuck knows because they walk into the common room just as jungwoo is walking out.

“i’m sorry, i never meant for this to happen. all along i thought that what you two had was open, that i wasn’t being a horrible person by flirting with yukhei because the both of you had agreed to it, but he just told me the truth. i’m sorry, i never meant for you to get hurt.” jungwoo says this all with teary eyes, bottom lip wobbling and donghyuck nods, pats him on the arm in what he hopes is a reassuring touch.

“you didn’t know, it’s okay,” they say back, and maybe it’s a lie, but at least now they can stop harbouring any resentment they had for jungwoo.

he really is as nice as donghyuck thought he would be.

 

**27-05-2017**

school ends for the year and yet donghyuck can’t find it in themselves to be happy about it.

they should be happy that exams are passed, that they can wake up at 3pm and not have to feel bad about it, but… but, they haven’t spoken to yukhei for the past two months almost and it hurts.

and they know that it shouldn’t hurt because they were the one that started ignoring yukhei, but it does. 

(renjun insists that it’s okay to be hurt, that it’s part of the grieving process. donghyuck thinks that suggesting they’re grieving over the loss of yukhei is a bit over the top. it’s only a breakup after all.)

 

**16-06-2017**

it’s a sunday in june when yukhei finally calls them. they haven’t spoken to each other in weeks, and it’s almost 4am but as soon as donghyuck sees yukhei’s caller id on his phone screen they’re scrambling to answer it. 

“hyuck? i’m sorry,” is the first thing yukhei says and donghyuck’s out of bed in an instant. “i love you, i’m sorry. i- i didn’t mean to-“

“hey, shh. are you at home?” donghyuck asks. they don’t bother to hide the worry in their voice.

“no. it’s- i’m at the field. you know the one near school? the sky looks so pretty from here” he answers and yeah, donghyuck knows the one.

they hold their phone between their shoulder and ear as they pull their jeans on, shoulder aching with the way they hike it up, but the pain is unimportant. they don’t have time to spare. “i’m coming to get you.” there’s finality to their voice and still, yukhei fights against it.

“hey, no, don’t do that babe. it’s late, and it’s okay. i’m okay.”

donghyuck decides to ignore the fact yukhei just caled them babe becase he’s not okay. “you’re not okay.”

 “i’m-“ yukhei starts, but his breath catches and then the sound of him crying filters through the speaker. “hyuck, hyuck please. i’m so sorry.”

“i know, i know xuxi. i’m coming to get you.”

-

donghyuck’s always hated romance films, always thought they were stupid. but now, as they ride their bike across town under the early morning sun, on their way to help the boy that they loves, they think they get why people like them so much.

before they even get to the park, they know where to go. they cycle straight through the gate, heading past the playground and over to the far side of the field. they ditches his bike as soon as they reach the fence, trusting that it’s too early for someone to steal it, but uncaring if anyone does. yukhei’s more important.

it barely takes them any time to run through the small woods at the speed they’re going and yeah, their lungs are screaming at them to stop, but through the thicket they catch sight of yukhei, sat on the hill just beyond the trees and somehow, they move even faster after that. they barrel over to the boy, breath laboured and god as much as they hate to admit it, it’s so good to see yukhei.

the chinese boy clearly feels the same, if the wide smile on his face gives anything away but that’s something for later. first, donghyuck needs to check him over because yukhei has always had a destructive streak. they grab him by the shoulders and look him over; his pupils aren’t blown, eyes aren’t blood shot and he looks fine, but with yukhei, you can never be sure. “did you take anything? do anything you shouldn’t have?”

“no, no i couldn’t,” yukhei says. his brows furrow, like he’s trying to figure out the words to say and so donghyuck stays silent, lets him figure himself out. “i was going to but, i thought of you, and how much you would hate me if i did so i just came here instead. the cold helped.”

it’s only then that donghyuck realises yukhei is only wearing a tshirt, and ripped jeans. it may be the summer, but it’s still only 4 degrees and yukhei really is a dumbass. “god, i can’t take you anywhere,” donghyuck huffs, pulling their own hoodie over their head and shoving it towards yukhei. 

the other boy doesn’t fight it, pulling it over his own head almost instantly and donghyuck can’t deny the surge of affection that rushes through them, seeing the other boy wearing their clothes again. 

they’ve missed yukhei.

“are you ready to come home?” donghyuck asks. they’re sat on the grass next to yukhei now, their sides pressed together and nothing more, but it’s still a lot when they’ve spent so much time apart.

“i’m always at home when i’m with you,” yukhei says back, voice soft and donghyuck’s breath hitches.

“you’re disgusting,” they groan, head falling down onto yukhei’s shoulder and the other boy just laughs. his hand comes up to cup the back of donghyuck’s head, pulling them up lightly and then they’re face to face.

up close like this, there’s nowhere to hide and donghyuck feels like yukhei can read their every thought as the boy stares at him. it gets too much to handle, way too much and so donghyuck leans in closer. they’ve never been that good at thinking before they acts. not that yukhei is any better.

his hand curls further around donghyuck’s nape, a constant grounding weight that donghyuck is thankful for, because without it donghyuck is scared he might float away. when their lips touch, it’s everything that donghyuck has been longing for and more. everything that they’ve missed.

“let’s go home,” they say, once they pull away. yukhei nods and so they go.

and they have a lot of talking to do. a lot of fixing. donghyuck still hasn’t properly forgiven yukhei for letting their relationship fall apart like that, but they both did bad things, and donghyuck guesses that forgiveness will only come when they’re ready for it.

and donghyuck knows they will be ready for it, because they’re willing to work for them. for this.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if u got this far, thanku uwu


End file.
